Infinite: A nature story
The morning is still taking its first yawns as I feel the soft, familiar touch of the wind across my face. The sweet smell of the dew covered fallen leaves fills my senses. For a brief moment I can feel it flood the empty space in my chest. For a second, I am whole again. I become engulfed in pure awareness of my connection to everything in the universe. I feel the embrace of the spirit energies flowing from the four directions and the wisdom that they bring with them. In this moment, I know that like this I am infinite.
The cheerful song of a chickadee fills my numinous experience and my eyes flutter wide open. The ground is covered in a fresh layer of leaves thanks to the thunder storm from the night before, and only a few small patches of green grass are left like islands in an autumn ocean. I see a flicker of grey and turn to spot a few mourning doves that have landed nearby searching for their breakfast. Closing my eyes, I can hear the small sounds of their gentle coos flowing along the wind’s current, passing through me like their voices were meant for me alone to hear.
Another gust of wind blows through me and I open my eyes to see the leaves leaping from their branches and gracefully dancing toward the ground. The ease in which they let go of their grasp on the trees surprises me. They welcome their fate with celebration, as we see every fall with the breath taking glory of their colorful transformation and wistful journey through the sky to their resting place on the ground. It seems to me as if they aren’t afraid to let go for they know when spring comes they will return as buds and the cycle will continue. They too know that they are infinite.
Switching my focus from the leaves back to the trees from which they fell, I notice their cheerful waves in the wind and they appear to be almost excited to have someone to wave to. Scanning the branches I can’t help but feel like the woods are looking back at me. It’s a strange feeling, not one of apprehension for being the spectacle of a stranger, but a wave of gratitude for being worth of such observations. Strange sensations flow through me and I know that I am not alone. The trees show me that I am among many, and must consider the feelings and boundaries of all the spirits in this space, being careful not to overlook the gravity of disrespecting the inhabitants of this land. Taking a deep breath, I try to empty my thoughts, and I feel the personalities of the trees revealing themselves to me.It is a truly magical moment to be among a group of tree spirits who are excited to find an open mind. Sitting in silence I feel an unnatural vibration in the ground that warns me something big is drawing near me in my vulnerable state. I attempt to ignore it and try to stay rooted in my place, but I can feel the vibrations getting stronger.
My ambitions are interrupted by the forceful whistle blow of a train announcing its presence as it makes its way through my town. Its sound so carelessly rips me from my meditation and quickly reminds me of the restrictions of my time and responsibilities of the day. I shake my head in an attempt to focus on the moment, not wanting to lose this mystical connection to the trees. But I find it’s impossible to focus as my left brain barks continuously at me to get back to “real life”. An overwhelming sensation to escape the gaze of the forest seems to tell me that the trees are suddenly no longer happy to have me in their presence. I feel their disappointment in my lack of ability to stay focused.I am not in tune enough with myself to attempt to hold a connection with them and I feel that they are almost offended by my efforts to engage with them before I am ready to hear their messages and wisdom. The realization of my weakness and unworthiness to retain the attention of the tree spirits sends me reeling into the awaiting grasp of an unnatural, but familiar numbness and somehow even disgust toward my attempts to converse with nature until I am filled with the urge to create a safe distance between myself and the outdoors, and relinquish this pointless waste of what was intended to be a productive morning.but familiar numbness and somehow even disgust toward my attempts to converse with nature until I am filled with the urge to create a safe distance between myself and the outdoors,and relinquish this pointless waste of what was intended to be a productive morning.but familiar numbness and somehow even disgust toward my attempts to converse with nature until I am filled with the urge to create a safe distance between myself and the outdoors, and relinquish this pointless waste of what was intended to be a productive morning.
As I tumble back into the synthetic world we know today, I find that somewhere deep in me a sorrowful cry escapes for the longing of a place where our talks with the spirits of the land never end. It’s a place I know I’ve been but can’t recall. I feel it like the remnants of a night’s dream that fades fast in the first moments of waking. Unfortunately, ignoring it comes all too easily as I come closer to the back porch of my home and my thoughts dwindle and settle on making coffee, watching the news, and checking off my list of things to do today.
As I make my way through the gate toward my house, I watch the ground moving beneath me. A dark scuttle beside my right foot startles me and I zone in on a wolf spider scrambling to get out of my way. My eyes follow her to a dew glistened web she’s hung between the cracked flower pots on the bottom step of our porch. The tiny, but intricate and interconnected strands of the web remind me of the same interconnectedness of life and all that we do. With this I realize that just as the spider weaves her web, we too weave our own lives. Each strand the spider makes affects the well being of the entire web. Likewise, each step I take affects all the parts of my life. Every day I feel my soul urging me to meditate, to slow down and just be present in the moment.I have had the great honor of learning how to connect to my inner self and raise my frequency to a higher state of being, yet I continue to let daily mundane tasks take precedence over my spiritual well being. I know that the spider is trying to give me her medicine. She is asking me to consider every choice I make with respect to how it will affect my whole being. She is asking me to be mindful of my daily behavior and weave my life as she weaves her web. Just as the touch of one strand shakes her whole web, the experience of one moment will ripple through our whole existence.She is asking me to consider every choice I make with respect to how it will affect my whole being. She is asking me to be mindful of my daily behavior and weave my life as she weaves her web. Just as the touch of one strand shakes her whole web,the experience of one moment will ripple through our whole existence.She is asking me to consider every choice I make with respect to how it will affect my whole being. She is asking me to be mindful of my daily behavior and weave my life as she weaves her web. Just as the touch of one strand shakes her whole web, the experience of one moment will ripple through our whole existence.
With that thought resonating through me, I decide to throw away my list of things to do today. Today I will not think with my mind, but feel with my heart, and send ripples of love through the universe. I take one more look back toward the trees and just as I breathe deep, a mighty wind blows leaves up off the ground. As they circle and dance around me I am embraced with the very love that I just sent out and all of a sudden I know. I know that this love is infinite.
Fall 2012
